Lanzarote Paradise: Stunning Old Town Apartment with Ocean Views & AC!
Lanzarote Paradise: Stunning Old Town Apartment with Ocean Views & AC!
Lanzarote Paradise: More Than Just a Pretty Picture (A Real-Life Review)
Okay, buckle up Buttercups, because I'm about to spill the actual tea on "Lanzarote Paradise: Stunning Old Town Apartment with Ocean Views & AC!" I just got back, and honestly, my emotions are all over the place. Don't expect a perfectly polished travel brochure; this is the raw, unfiltered truth, warts and all. And spoiler alert: there are warts.
First Impressions: "Wow!"…and some minor "Hmmms…"
The pictures, let's be honest, are gorgeous. Turquoise water, whitewashed buildings, the sun doing its best Instagram pose…it's postcard perfect. And the apartment itself? Pretty darn stunning, even for a jaded traveler like myself. The "ocean views" were indeed breathtaking – you could practically smell the salt air. Waking up to that every morning? Pure bliss. (Rooms: Available in all rooms; Air conditioning; Alarm clock; Bathrobes; Blackout curtains; Closet; Coffee/tea maker; Complimentary tea; Daily housekeeping; Desk; Extra long bed; Free bottled water; Hair dryer; High floor; In-room safe box; Interconnecting room(s) available; Internet access – LAN; Internet access – wireless; Ironing facilities; Laptop workspace; Linens; Mini bar; Mirror; Non-smoking; On-demand movies; Private bathroom; Reading light; Refrigerator; Satellite/cable channels; Scale; Seating area; Separate shower/bathtub; Shower; Slippers; Smoke detector; Socket near the bed; Sofa; Soundproofing; Telephone; Toiletries; Towels; Umbrella; Visual alarm; Wake-up service; Wi-Fi [free]; Window that opens.) But, and this is a big but, my initial "wow!" soon morphed into a few "hmms…" It’s the little things, right? Like the slightly dodgy internet (more on that later) and the fact that I swear the "fully equipped kitchen" was missing… well, half the equipment. Where's the can opener?! (A true crisis, I tell you!)
Accessibility: Not Entirely Smooth Sailing (My Bad Knee Remembers)
Now, I requested info on accessibility, and while the website states "Facilities for disabled guests," things were a little tricky. (Accessibility: Elevator; Facilities for disabled guests) The apartment itself was, thankfully, mostly accessible, but navigating the surrounding cobblestone streets of the Old Town with my dodgy knee was a workout. Forget those scenic strolls; I was more of a shuffle-and-wince type. The elevator in the building was a godsend, though. So, a mixed bag.
Cleanliness and Safety: Feeling Secure (Mostly)
I'm a bit of a clean freak, especially post-pandemic. (Cleanliness and safety: Anti-viral cleaning products; Daily disinfection in common areas; Hand sanitizer; Hot water linen and laundry washing; Hygiene certification; Individually-wrapped food options; Physical distancing of at least 1 meter; Professional-grade sanitizing services; Room sanitization opt-out available; Rooms sanitized between stays; Safe dining setup; Sanitized kitchen and tableware items; Shared stationery removed; Staff trained in safety protocol; Sterilizing equipment) The apartment appeared spotless, and I appreciated the extra precautions. There was hand sanitizer everywhere (hallelujah!), and the common areas seemed to get a daily scrub-down. I even noticed a sign saying the staff are trained in safety protocols. But… there was a slight lingering smell of… cleaner? Not a bad thing, just… noticeable. And to be honest, I didn't exactly see them sterilizing equipment. Still, overall? I felt pretty safe, which is a massive win in my book. (CCTV in common areas; CCTV outside property; Check-in/out [express]; Check-in/out [private]; Exterior corridor; Fire extinguisher; Front desk [24-hour]; Non-smoking rooms; Safety/security feature; Security [24-hour]; Smoke alarms.)
Internet: The Achilles Heel of Paradise (Ugh!)
Okay, let's talk Internet. The website proudly proclaims "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms," and technically, that's true. But let me tell you, the Wi-Fi was about as reliable as a politician's promise. (Internet: Internet; Internet [LAN]; Internet services; Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!) There were times I could stream Netflix, and other times, I was staring at a buffering wheel contemplating the meaning of life. (Available in all rooms: Internet access – LAN; Internet access – wireless) I seriously considered investing in a pigeon with a USB drive. My work calls dropped, my Instagram uploads failed, and my attempt to order pizza online ended in tears. Seriously, if good internet is important to you, pack a satellite phone or prepare for digital purgatory. This was my biggest gripe, honestly. It truly soured the experience at times!
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Food, Glorious Food! (Mostly Glorious)
The Old Town is packed with restaurants, cafes, and bars. (Dining, drinking, and snacking: A la carte in restaurant; Asian breakfast; Asian cuisine in restaurant; Bar; Bottle of water; Breakfast [buffet]; Breakfast service; Buffet in restaurant; Coffee/tea in restaurant; Coffee shop; Desserts in restaurant; Happy hour; International cuisine in restaurant; Poolside bar; Restaurants; Room service [24-hour]; Salad in restaurant; Snack bar; Soup in restaurant; Vegetarian restaurant; Western breakfast; Western cuisine in restaurant) Breakfast wasn't actually provided in the apartment, but there are tons of cafes around, including a cute one with amazing coffee which I visited Daily. The apartment offered a mini-bar which provided some drink. Otherwise, I was on my own, food-wise. The restaurants were generally excellent, with plenty of options to choose from. Though I struggled to find a decent vegetarian restaurant!
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: Paradise Found… Eventually!
Lanzarote is beautiful. Gorgeous beaches, volcanic landscapes, you name it. (Things to do, ways to relax: Body scrub; Body wrap; Fitness center; Foot bath; Gym/fitness; Massage; Pool with view; Sauna; Spa; Spa/sauna; Steamroom; Swimming pool; Swimming pool [outdoor]) I indulged in a massage at a nearby spa (absolutely heavenly!), and although the apartment didn't have the amenities. The Old Town and nearby areas offer options to soak in the sun and relax.
Services and Conveniences: Helpful, But…
The apartment offered a few services to make your life easier like food delivery. (Services and conveniences: Air conditioning in public area; Audio-visual equipment for special events; Business facilities; Cash withdrawal; Concierge; Contactless check-in/out; Convenience store; Currency exchange; Daily housekeeping; Doorman; Dry cleaning; Elevator; Essential condiments; Facilities for disabled guests; Food delivery; Gift/souvenir shop; Indoor venue for special events; Invoice provided; Ironing service; Laundry service; Luggage storage; Meeting/banquet facilities; Meetings; Meeting stationery; On-site event hosting; Outdoor venue for special events; Projector/LED display; Safety deposit boxes; Seminars; Shrine; Smoking area; Terrace; Wi-Fi for special events; Xerox/fax in business center) They also offered Daily housekeeping, which was great. I'm all for convenience, but I'm not entirely sure why they offered a 'Shrine'. I mean, it's a hotel, not a temple! And, no matter what, nothing could make up for the bad internet.
For the Kids: I Wouldn’t Know (Sorry!)
I went on my own, so I can't tell you if the apartment would be good for a family. No idea about babysitting services, family friendly stuff, etc., but there are kid's meals on offer. (For the kids: Babysitting service; Family/child friendly; Kids facilities; Kids meal)
My Quirky Verdict: Embrace the Imperfections!
Okay, so "Lanzarote Paradise" isn't perfect, far from it. The internet situation was a major pain. The accessibility could be a little better. But overall? I enjoyed it. The location is fantastic, the views are spectacular, and the apartment itself is genuinely lovely. Would I go back? Probably. But this time, I'd be packing a portable router, a can opener, and a whole lot of patience. (Couple's room; Room decorations; Soundproof rooms.)
Final Thoughts:
- Pros: Stunning views, beautiful apartment, great location, generally clean and safe.
- Cons: Shaky internet, accessibility could be improved, some minor missing amenities.
- Overall: If you're willing to overlook a few flaws, and if you can live without constant internet access, then this could well be your Lanzarote paradise. Just pack a backup plan for your online needs, and you'll likely have a great time.
SEO & Metadata (because, well, it's important, apparently!)
- Title: Lanzarote Paradise Review: Stunning Apartment with Ocean Views (But the Internet…)
- Keywords: Lanzarote, apartment, Old Town, ocean view, WIFI, accessibility, review, vacation, travel, Spain, Canary Islands.
- Meta Description: Honest review of "Lanzarote Paradise" apartment. Details on ocean views, pros/cons, accessibility, facilities, and internet! Prepare
Alright, buckle up buttercup, because you're getting the unvarnished, unfiltered, possibly-slightly-unhinged itinerary for my Lanzarote adventure in Apartment Chao Portonovo (promise that name isn't as pretentious as it sounds, honestly). Expect less "smooth sailing" and more "slightly-seasick voyage navigated with a bad map and a healthy dose of caffeine."
Lanzarote: Apartment Chao, Old Town, See View, A/C. (Good Luck. You'll Need It.)
Day 1: Arrival and Panic-Buying Essentials
- Morning (6:00 AM): Jet lag hits like a freight train. Drag my luggage (which, let's be honest, is probably overpacked) to the apartment. The "see view" better be worth the climb, because my legs are already screaming.
- Morning (9:00 AM): Apartment chaos! Key fumble, mini-breakdown when the air conditioning seems to only blow warm air. Found the button, Praise the Lord. The view IS pretty spectacular though. I mean, really, really good. Overlooking the water and all those tiny, white houses.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM): Panic-buying groceries at the local Spar. Everything looks different in Spanish. I end up with a giant bag of… something. Probably some kind of potato. We’ll see. Also, how can I find a decent coffee?
- Afternoon (2:00 PM): Attempt to unpack. Fail spectacularly. Clothes everywhere, a small crisis about whether I brought enough underwear.
- Late Afternoon Coffee shop! It's a tiny place with an awning and a grumpy cat sleeping on a chair. They have decent coffee. Phew. This whole "vacation" thing might actually work.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Dinner at a tapas place recommended by the extremely vague Airbnb host. The tapas are delicious; the waiter seems perpetually bored but oh so charming. I consume far too much sangria and contemplate the meaning of life (and whether I should have brought a scarf).
- Night (9:00 PM): Wander around the Old Town. It's gorgeous. Seriously, the cobblestone streets are enchanting. I get lost (surprise!) and end up staring at the ocean, feeling incredibly small and happy. Then, a rogue wave nearly soaks me. Ah, nature. You magnificent, unpredictable beast.
Day 2: Volcanic Vibes and Tourist Traps (Oh, Joy!)
- Morning (9:00 AM): Wake up with a headache and a vague memory of dancing on a table. (Don't judge.) The view is amazing and it's a crime I don't sit and stare at it for hours.
- Morning (10:00 AM): Breakfast in my apartment. Potato-thing is, surprisingly, good.
- Morning (11:00 AM): Drive to Timanfaya National Park (the "Fire Mountains"). I'm mildly terrified of driving on the wrong side of the road, but the landscape is unbelievable. Like, a Martian landscape. Black, craggy, and just…wow.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Mandatory tourist trap: The geothermal demonstrations. The tour guide tries to cook something with heat from the ground. Am I supposed to be impressed? I think… yes.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM): Lunch at the park restaurant. I have a burger. It's fine. The views are amazing, but the food is expensive.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): Startling discovery! I am the only one not wearing a sun hat. In 30-degree heat. Idiot.
- Afternoon (4:00 PM): A small car park! One car I nearly crashed into, nearly, but still not good.
- Evening (6:00 PM): Wander around the town and explore the cute shops. Buy a dodgy souvenir.
- Evening (9:00 PM): I find a street performance. A guy is playing the guitar with a bottle of wine. That’s the dream.
Day 3: Beach Bumming and Melodramatic Reflections
- Morning (8:00 AM): Finally manage to drag myself out of bed. It is an achievement.
- Morning (9:00 AM): Beach day! Playa Papagayo ("Parrot Beach"). I find it. The road down is bumpy to say the least. There are potholes, dust and rocks, and somehow I have to go down. The beach is stunning, turquoise water, and white sand. It makes the hair on my arms stand up.
- Morning (11:00 AM): I swim. The water is cool and salty. I consider never leaving.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Lunch at a simple beach shack. Fresh fish, grilled perfectly. I eat it with my hair plastered to my face.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM): I bake in the sun. The sun doesn't care for me at all.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): Emotional crisis! A wave reminds me of a bad breakup. I may, or may not, cry a little. Damn you, ocean! You melodramatic jerk!
- Afternoon (4:00 PM): Recover. Read a book. Realize I’m probably getting a sunburn.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Dinner at some place. It's okay. I'm feeling a bit lonely. (I did warn you about the honesty, didn't I?)
- Evening (9:00 PM): Stargazing on the terrace. The sky is unbelievably clear. I feel a tiny bit better.
Day 4: Caves, Art, and a Sudden Craving for Pasta
- Morning (9:00 AM): Drive to the Cueva de los Verdes (Green Caves). The caves are incredible. I am completely lost in the darkness and I can't see where I'm going.
- Morning (11:00 AM): Visit Jameos del Agua, another César Manrique creation. It's beautiful and surreal. I get the full experience, the water, the music, the lighting. It's art.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Lunch: I find a restaurant with a sea view. I order the pasta. It is good.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM): Cesar Manrique’s house. Oh god, I love it. I spend too much time here. This guy must have been amazing to create something so beautiful.
- Afternoon (4:00 PM): I feel like I'm experiencing art.
- Evening (7:00 PM): I go exploring again. Find a bar. People are there, too. It’s nice. I drink a glass of wine or two.
- Evening (9:00 PM): The day is lovely. I do not go home. I spend some time chatting with locals.
Day 5: Departure and the Bitter Sweet Taste of Freedom
- Morning (7:00 AM): Pack my bags (finally!).
- Morning (8:00 AM): Quick check around the apartment. Did I leave anything behind? I’m sure I did.
- Morning (9:00 AM): Last look at the sea view. Damn it.
- Morning (10:00 AM): Drive to the airport, say goodbye and make the journey home.
Post Script:
So, there you have it. Lanzarote. A chaotic, imperfect, sometimes-beautiful mess. Would I go back? Absolutely. Would I change a thing? Probably not. Unless maybe I could find a consistently good coffee place… and a sun hat. And a therapist. Okay, maybe I'd change a few things. But the core of the experience will be my own and for always.
Escape to Paradise: ORKA Club Hotel & Villas, Fethiye
Lanzarote Paradise: Your Chaotic Guide to Our Stunning Old Town Apartment! (Because Let's Be Honest, We're a Mess Too)
Okay, Okay, So "Stunning Ocean Views" – Is It Actually Stun-ning, Or Just a Slightly-Less-Crappy View of the Sea?
Look, I’m not gonna lie. I've seen some "ocean views" advertised that were basically a glimpse of the sea through a greasy window and a palm tree that looked like it had seen better days. BUT! This? This is different. Picture this: You, sprawled on the balcony, coffee in hand (or a cold cerveza, no judgment!), and the Atlantic stretching out before you like a giant, sparkly blue pancake. Okay, maybe not sparkly *pancake* but you get the idea. It's legit. Sunrise is a riot of colours that'll probably make you cry (I did, the first time), and sunset? Forget about it. Pack your tissues. Seriously. Also, yes, you *can* see the next island, and the ferries are a never-ending source of people-watching gold.
"Old Town Apartment" Sounds...old. Like, Creaky Floors and Dust Bunnies the Size of Small Rodents Old?
Alright, fair call. "Old Town" does conjure images of something that requires a hazmat suit. And yeah, the building *is* old. It practically *breathes* history, which is awesome...when it's not, you know, *creaking* at 3 AM because the wind decided to have a party. The floors *might* creak a bit. But! Massive but! We've poured our heart and soul (and a ridiculous amount of money, let's be honest) into modernizing the inside. Think clean lines, super comfy beds, and a kitchen that actually makes you *want* to cook (even if you end up just ordering tapas, which...same). And NO giant dust bunnies. We’re ruthless. Okay, maybe *occasionally* one escapes, but we're on it.
Air Conditioning: Does It Actually *Work*? Because Lanzarote Gets HOT. Like, Melt-Your-Brain Hot.
OMG YES. The AC? A lifesaver. A godsend. My sanity's guardian angel. Okay, I’m maybe over-dramatizing. But seriously, Lanzarote is a sun-baked paradise, and when the sun goes down, the heat just...lingers. Like a sweaty ex-boyfriend (sorry, bad analogy). The AC blasts out glorious, icy-cold air and is whisper quiet. We've all been there, right? You book somewhere, and the AC sounds like a jet engine taking off every time you try to sleep. Not here. We've splurged on *good* AC. You’ll sleep. You'll be happy. You'll thank us. Maybe you'll even want to wear a sweater...just kidding. Possibly.
Is The Kitchen Basically a Microwave and a Sink, or Can I Actually, You Know, Cook Something? (I'm a Foodie, Give Me the Real Deal!)
Okay, Foodie Friend, listen up! The kitchen is actually pretty sweet. It’s not a Michelin-star kitchen, mind you (although, if you feel like prepping a full tasting menu, be my guest!), but it's well-equipped. We've got everything you need: oven, hob, microwave (gasp!), coffee maker (important!), fridge, and even a dishwasher (because, hello, vacation!). I’ve cooked whole meals there. I've also burned toast so badly the smoke alarm went off (true story). But the point is, you CAN cook! And there's a supermarket like a 2 mins walk away for ingredients!
Location, Location, Location! Is It Actually in the *Old Town*, or Is It Just a Sidestreet With a Fancy Name?
You're in the heart of it. Seriously. Steps from the harbour, which is teeming with restaurants, bars (hello, sundowners!), and shops. You can practically roll out of bed and stumble into a cafe for a cortado. And let me tell you - finding *the* perfect cafe for cortado is crucial. It is a serious job. It's about the ambiance, like the perfect mix of local babble and tourist chatter. It's about the sun shining on the sea. It's about the *coffee*... well, you get the point. The point is: you're smack-dab in the middle of everything. This also means you're near all the 'essential' stuff, like the taxi rank and the bus stop, and the supermarket. And it is generally safe.
What About the Noise? Old Town = Nightlife, Right? Will I Ever Sleep?
Okay, here's the deal. Yes, it’s in the Old Town, so there *is* nightlife. But the apartment is tucked away on a quieter street. You're not going to get blaring music or drunken karaoke right outside your window (unless you *want* to find some karaoke and join!). We've tried to soundproof it as much as possible which is tough in an older building. If you're a light sleeper, maybe bring earplugs just to be safe (better safe than sorry, right?). Also, let's be real: after a day of exploring and sunshine and tapas and wine, you'll probably sleep like a log anyway. But don’t expect total, absolute silence. That's not what the Old Town is about!
Is There Wifi? Because Instagram Doesn't Take Vacations, and Neither Do I, Basically.
Yes, there's Wi-Fi. Free Wi-Fi. Fast Wi-Fi (most of the time!). Good enough for streaming, video calls (so you can gloat at your friends back home!), and, let's be real, posting a million photos of your amazing, "stun-ning" ocean view. We know how important it is. We get it. We're addicted too. Although, I do recommend turning your phone off on the balcony at least once. It helps you breathe. Especially when you're drinking wine. I find.
What About Parking? Is It a Nightmare? Do I Need a Helicopter?
Okay, parking is a *thing* in the Old Town. It's not a complete nightmare, but spaces are at a premium. There are usually a couple of places to park nearby, and if you get a bit lucky, you get a space right by the apartment. When it comes to parking, the earlier you get there the better. Seriously - don’t wait until noon on a Saturday and expect a spot. There are generally free parking and paid parking spots around the port, but a bit of walking is usually required. I've certainly walked a mile or so a few times. But the walk is a nice one. You can grab an iceGoa's Nights: Secrets, Sensations & Scandalous Stories You Won't Believe!
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