Zelda's St. Petersburg Secret: Unveiling Her Hidden Apartment!
Zelda's St. Petersburg Secret: Unveiling Her Hidden Apartment!
Zelda's St. Petersburg Secret: Unveiling Her Hidden Apartment! - A Review That's Anything BUT Secretive (and Possibly a Bit Rambly)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I just emerged from Zelda's St. Petersburg Secret… and my brain is still trying to unpack the experience. It’s… well, it’s a thing. And by “thing,” I mean a sprawling complex of hidden apartments, a whole lotta potential, and a few moments that felt like stumbling into a real-life Wes Anderson film. Let's just say, this review is gonna be as messy and unpredictable as the St. Petersburg weather itself.
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First Impressions: The Secret's Out (Sort Of)
The "Secret" part is definitely true. Finding the actual entrance was an adventure in itself. But once you are in, it’s… visually stunning. Think opulent, with a touch of faded grandeur. The lobby, if you can call it that, is all dark wood, dramatic lighting, and enough velvet to make a vampire blush. Felt like I'd walked into a period drama, and I was immediately ready to be a part of the cast.
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag, but Mostly… Trying?
(Alright, let's get the serious stuff outta the way first.)
- Wheelchair Accessible: Okay, here's where it gets tricky. The website says they have accessible facilities. The entrance seemed manageable, at least. But navigating the labyrinthine corridors of the complex…that felt like an Olympic sport. I didn’t actually need accessibility features, but I saw a couple of areas that might be tricky to navigate for someone in a wheelchair. Elevators are present, thank goodness, but the layout of some of the “hidden” apartments could present challenges. If accessibility is a definitive must-have, I'd definitely recommend calling ahead and getting very specific details.
- Overall, the "trying" is there, but perfection? No. Still some gaps.
Rooms, Suites & Squeaky Floors:
My room. Oh, my room. It was HUGE. Like, ridiculously spacious. "Available in all rooms" they say, and they are spot on. I’d say it was a suite more than a room, and I practically got lost in it several times. "Additional toilet" – yup, thankfully. "Air conditioning" – yes, essential in the summer. "Alarm clock" – there, ticking away in the corner. "Bathrobes" – glorious, fluffy, and begging to be worn. "Bathroom phone" – who needs a bathroom phone? I didn't use it, but hey, options! "Bathtub" – check! "Blackout curtains" – appreciated them more than I thought I would. "Closet" – big enough to house a small family. "Coffee/tea maker" – yay! "Complimentary tea" – even better! "Daily housekeeping" – spotless. The maids, bless their souls, were meticulous. "Desk" – perfect for pretending to work. "Extra long bed" – ah, bliss. "Free bottled water" – always appreciated. "Hair dryer" – standard. "High floor" – got a great view! "In-room safe box" – yep. "Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless" – worked perfectly, thankfully. "Ironing facilities" – good for us wrinkly travelers. "Laptop workspace" - check. "Linens" – crisp and clean. "Mini bar" – expensive, naturally. "Mirror" – yes, plenty of them. "Non-smoking" – thank goodness. "On-demand movies" – never used them. "Private bathroom" – definitely. "Reading light" – perfect for late-night reading. "Refrigerator" – useful for keeping drinks cold. "Satellite/cable channels" seemed comprehensive. "Scale" – a cruel reminder of all the delicious food I was eating, lol. "Seating area" – yep, comfortable sofas. "Separate shower/bathtub" – LUXURY. "Shower" – good water pressure. "Slippers" – YES! "Smoke detector" – hopefully working. "Socket near the bed" – brilliant! "Sofa" – comfy. "Soundproofing" – mostly. “Telephone” - what a relic! "Toiletries" – nice quality. "Towels" – fluffy and white. "Umbrella" – essential in St. Petersburg! "Visual alarm" – didn’t need it. "Wake-up service" – I preferred my own alarm. "Wi-Fi [free]" – fantastic. "Window that opens" – vital for fresh air!
- Room Decorations: They went all-in on the "fancy" aesthetic. Some rooms are adorned with antiques, others with modern art. A bit much for my personal tastes, but it is memorable.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Gastronomic Adventure (or a Series of Questionable Choices)
This is where Zelda’s gets… uneven. Really uneven.
- Restaurants: There are restaurants. Multiple ones, in theory. Including "A la carte in restaurant," "Asian cuisine in restaurant," "International cuisine in restaurant," "Vegetarian restaurant," and "Western cuisine in restaurant." I have to be honest, though, some of the menus felt… ambitious, and not always in a good way. The "International Cuisine" was a mixed bag, and the Vegetarian options were, let's say, limited.
- Breakfast (Buffet): The breakfast buffet was… well, it existed. "Western breakfast," "Asian breakfast"…they tried. It wasn’t the best I’ve ever had, and it wasn’t the worst. The coffee was… serviceable.
- Room Service: (24-hour): This was a lifesaver, honestly. After a long day of exploring, ordering room service and collapsing on that giant sofa was pure bliss. Although I discovered it’s not cheap.
- Poolside bar: I didn't find a poolside bar! Boo.
- Coffee Shop: Yes, good coffee and great to start the day.
- Snack bar: I did not see this.
- Bar: The bar was good. Atmospheric and a decent cocktail menu.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: Spa, Sauna, and the Quest for Bliss
- Spa/Sauna: The spa area was… impressive, at least on the surface. The pool with a view was stunning, and the sauna was hot. "Body scrub" “Body wrap” were available, as was a Massage and several other Beauty treatments. I booked myself in for a massage, which was… fine. Nothing to write home about, but pleasant enough. The "Pool with view" was the real highlight.
- Fitness Center: I peeked into the "Fitness Center" and it was well-equipped, from my (admittedly tired) perspective.
- Gym/fitness: Yes and it was well equipped.
- Foot bath: Yep they got one!
Cleanliness and Safety: Trying Hard, But…
During my visit (and I’m getting this in here, as the world goes through Covid)
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Presumably used.
- Cashless payment service: Yes.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Seemed to be happening.
- Hand sanitizer: Available.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Hope so!
- Hygiene certification: Not sure, but probably.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Some, yes.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Sort of.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: I'd like to think so.
- Safe dining setup: Yes and no.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: They wore masks, at least.
Services and Conveniences: The Good, the Bad, and the “Huh?”
- Air conditioning in public areas: Yes.
- Business facilities: Fine, if you need them.
- Cash withdrawal: Yes.
- Concierge: Helpful, but a little… aloof?
- Convenience store: Nope.
- Currency exchange: Yes.
- Daily housekeeping: Excellent.
- Doorman: Yes, always.
- Elevator: Essential.
- Facilities for disabled guests: See Accessibility section above.
- Gift/souvenir shop: Yes.
- Ironing service: Used it, thanks.
- Laundry service: Yup.
- Luggage storage: Yes.
- Meeting/banquet facilities: Present, large and impressive.
- Safety deposit boxes: Yes.
- Taxi service: Available.
- Valet parking: Yes.
For the Kids: (A Mixed Bag, Honestly)
- Babysitting service: Advertised, but I didn’t use it.
- Family/child friendly: It's hard to say
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because you're about to embark on a mental trip with me, and it's gonna be a glorious, chaotic mess. My "Zelda's Комната" in the heart of St. Petersburg? Forget about it. This isn't your pristine, color-coded itinerary; this is life, baby, and life is… well, you'll see.
Day 1: Arrival, Apartment Anticipation, and Vodka-Fueled Panic
- Morning (7:00 AM - 10:00 AM): Ugh. The red-eye. Never again. Found myself sandwiched between a snoring toddler and a guy who looked like he’d just wrestled a bear (and lost). Finally, landing at Pulkovo Airport. The sheer bureaucracy of getting through customs is a special kind of torture. My brain felt like a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal.
- Late Morning (10:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Taxi ride. Scared myself silly with the driver’s driving style. He was either channeling a rally car driver or actively trying to kill us. Saw glimpses of St. Petersburg, and it looked… magnificent even through a haze of jet lag and existential dread. Finally, to Rubenstein Street! The apartment, “Zelda’s Комната,” is supposedly beautiful. Crossing my fingers it's also, you know, real. Let's hope it's not a bait-and-switch like that Airbnb in Prague…
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Keys! Success! The building is old, charming, and reeks subtly of grandmas and history. Found the apartment (after a minor panic attack, because I’m terrible with directions). And… wow. Seriously, wow. Okay, maybe not Zelda, but a perfectly quirky, slightly bohemian space. High ceilings, those painted walls… it breathes the city! A moment of pure, unadulterated joy.
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM - 7:00 PM): Luggage unpacked. Time for a celebratory walk… but first, vodka. Found a tiny store nearby and bought a bottle of something that looked vaguely Russian. Big mistake. It burned all the way down! Stumbled out, feeling… emboldened. The canals, the buildings… I’m here!
- Evening (7:00 PM onwards): Dinner! Found an adorable little place serving traditional Russian food. I ordered everything. I ate everything. I can’t pronounce any of it, but who cares? The people are genuinely friendly, the food is hearty, and I’m starting to feel like I might actually survive this. Ended the night stumbling back to Zelda's, already dreaming of the next adventure.
Day 2: The Hermitage, Overwhelming Art, and a Cat Named Vasily
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): The Hermitage. Oh. My. God. They weren't kidding when they said it was huge. It's a sensory overload. Rooms upon rooms, endless corridors, packed with art that made my jaw drop. The sheer scale is something else. Spent ages marveling at the Fabergé eggs, feeling utterly inadequate in the face of such beauty and history. Lost my group. Twice. Ended up just wandering and absorbing.
- Lunch (12:00 PM - 1:00 PM): Tried to grab a bite at a cafe, but the line was insane. Ended up with a dry sandwich and a terrible coffee. Fueling up for round two!
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 4:00 PM): More Hermitage. Focused on the Impressionists and the Dutch Masters. Suddenly, I was struck by the same feeling I get when I'm at a giant department store: It's too much, I want everything, and I'm overwhelmed and feeling a little bad that I can't "get" it all. The weight of art and of what I thought I knew felt crushing.
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Walking tour. We visited the Winter Palace Square and the Alexander Column. I attempted to take a photo of the Alexander Column, but my phone's battery died. I was almost ready to give up on taking photos entirely - but you can't experience something like this without some form of proof.
- Evening (6:00 PM onwards): The most incredible thing: Found a little alley cat, who I swear winked at me from a windowsill. Named him Vasily. He's now my spirit animal. Then, a proper Russian restaurant! Pelmeni, blinis, and even attempted to learn the word "vodka". I had to run to an alley about an hour after for a quick vomit.
Day 3: Canals, Churches, and a Sudden Craving for Cake
- Morning (10:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Canal tour. A must. The city from the water is absolutely breathtaking. The reflections of the buildings… pure magic. Took a million photos (with a fully charged phone this time). This whole city… I could live here.
- Lunch (1:00 PM - 2:00 PM): Found a tiny bakery with the best cakes I’ve ever tasted. Chocolate. Cream. More chocolate. I may have eaten three. Justified it with the "cultural experience" excuse.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Church hopping. St. Isaac’s Cathedral (the gold dome makes me weak in the knees). The Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood (absolutely stunning - the mosaics are unreal!). So many churches, so much history, so much gold. Almost lost my mind in the color.
- Late Afternoon (5:00 PM - 7:00 PM): Random wanderings. Got lost. Again. Ended up in a quiet little park, sat on a bench, and just… breathed. The city began to feel less overwhelming, more like a living, breathing thing.
- Evening (7:00 PM onwards): Dinner and a show! Went to a ballet (Swan Lake, naturally). I knew nothing about ballet. But I teared up (don't tell anyone.) The music, the dancing, the drama… it was a beautiful, utterly weird, and totally unforgettable experience, even with the jet lag and the fact that I had slept for about three hours total.
Day 4: Farewell, Zelda (and the Vodka), and the Lingering Magic
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Last-minute souvenir shopping (a proper Russian hat, because, why not?). A final walk along the canals. One last view of the gold domes. Started to feel sad. I wasn't ready to leave.
- Lunch (12:00 PM - 1:00 PM): That bakery… one last cake. This time, I knew I was saying goodbye.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Packing. The hardest part. Wrote down all the memories, and tried to keep the feeling of the place locked somewhere inside.
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM - 7:00 PM): Goodbye to Zelda's Комната. Goodbye to St. Petersburg. Taxi to the airport. The sadness hit me.
- Evening (7:00 PM onwards): The long flight home. Reflecting. Still a bit hungover, still full of cake, still slightly bewildered by it all. St. Petersburg, you magnificent, chaotic beauty. You've stolen a piece of my heart. I'll be back.
1. Wait, *Zelda*? Like, Zelda Zelda? And St. Petersburg? Seriously? What's the *deal*?
2. How Did You Even *Find Out* About This?! Spill the Tea! Spill. It. NOW.
3. Okay, napkin map aside, WHAT did this apartment look like?! And what was *in* it?! I need details! Gimme!
4. Spill! Spill! What did you find?! Was there a hidden stash of jewels?! Secret letters?! Tell me!
5. The Letters! Tell me more about the letters! Who were they from?! Were they scandalous?! OMG!
6. Did you see any indication of the actual Zelda? Like, what was her fashion like? Did she have a style?
7. Okay, okay, stop drooling over the clothes! Did you ever get the feeling someone else was there? Ghosts?! Spooky stuff?! AHHHH!
8. What happened to the apartment? Is it still there?! Can I go see it?!
9. So, what's the *point*? Was it all a game? What was she *doing* there?!
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