Torquay's BEST Kept Secret? TLH Toorak Hotel's Luxury Awaits!
Torquay's BEST Kept Secret? TLH Toorak Hotel's Luxury Awaits!
Torquay's BEST Kept Secret? TLH Toorak Hotel: Luxury Awaits! - A Review with a Heaping Spoonful of Truth
Okay, folks, buckle up. This isn't your polished, corporate-speak review. This is real. I just spent a few days at the TLH Toorak Hotel in Torquay and, honestly? I've got a lot to say. It's like the hotel is having a bit of an identity crisis, and I mean this in the MOST endearing way possible! Let's get into it, shall we?
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First Impressions & The Accessibility Angle – Is it truly welcoming?
Right, so pulling up, it’s… well, it’s BIG. Like, "Wow, is this a castle?" big. The exterior is classic, a bit imposing, but also kind of charming in a slightly faded grandeur way. My first thought? "Okay, this could be amazing, or it could be a total trip back in time."
Accessibility? This is IMPORTANT. My main concern, and a major reason for booking, was accessibility. Accessibility is KEY for my partner! And… here’s the truth. Wheelchair accessible? Yes, parts of it definitely are. They've made a damn good effort! The entrance is level, and the staff were quick to assist with doors. Elevator? (Oh, thank GOD). Yes, there are multiple elevators, which is a MASSIVE win. Facilities for disabled guests? Check! While it wasn't perfect (and let’s be honest, perfection is rare!), the access to the main areas, restaurant, and one of the pools was definitely impressive. Ramps and good signage. Now, the rooms themselves are where it gets interesting. We had a specifically accessible room – and the space was genuinely well-thought-out. Handles, a large shower… However, maneuvering did require some extra care. It was manageable, not flawless. This is a GOOD start, but still room for improvement. I'm giving them a solid 7/10 for accessibility overall – good effort, guys!
Getting Around:
- Car park [on-site] & Car park [free of charge]: HUGE bonus! Plenty of parking available, and the free aspect never hurts the wallet.
- Airport transfer: No personal experience, but it's offered.
- Taxi service: Readily available.
- Valet parking: Nope, I think not needed.
The "Things To Do" Brainstorm… and how did they stack up?
The Toorak Hotel has a LOT going on. This is where that "identity crisis" feeling kicks in. They seem to want to be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE. More on that later.
Ways to Relax (and my personal experience…the good and the…well, the less good…):
- Spa, Spa/sauna, Sauna, Steamroom, Pool with view, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: Okay, I’m a sucker for a good spa. I booked a body wrap and I was READY. The pool with a view? Absolutely gorgeous. The outdoor pool was a little chilly, but once you brave the jump, incredible views of the Torquay coast. The Spa facilities - that's where I hit a snag.
- My Body wrap was… interesting. The treatment itself was lovely. But, and this is a but, the relaxation room felt… a little "meh." It could have used some extra ambiance. Dim the lights! Add some candles! Make it feel more…spacious and relaxing, not like an extra room. The robe was so comfy though!
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: These areas were well-equipped, if a bit busy. Definitely catering to the health-conscious guests.
- Foot bath: (sadly missed out on this).
The Swimming Pools: Yes!! I've got to mention the pools again. The indoor pool was the saving grace of a rainy day. The outdoor pool was a delight on a sunny day, despite the initial cold shock!
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – The Restaurant Roulette!
Right. Let's talk food. This is where the hotel REALLY tries to be all things to all people. And, well, the results are… mixed.
- Restaurants, Coffee shop, Poolside bar, Snack bar: The hotel boasts multiple dining options.
- A la carte in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant: There’s your traditional buffet breakfasts.
- Breakfast [buffet], Western breakfast, Asian breakfast: The breakfast buffet itself? A solid effort. It had everything you expect, from continental to a full English. The fruit was fresh, there were plenty of options for vegetarians, and the coffee was… well, it was coffee. Not the best, not the worst.
- Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service: I've never used room service.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: Standard coffee,
- Desserts in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant: The restaurant was good, but nothing to write home about.
- Bar, Happy hour, Bottle of water: The bar had a good atmosphere, but I didn't go during happy hour.
- Room service [24-hour]: Available, which is always a bonus.
- Alternative meal arrangement: They were very accommodating and ensured my partner's dietary needs were met. That earned them serious brownie points!
- Western cuisine in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant: You name it, they seemed to have it.
The Anecdotal Ramble on a Restaurant…
I remember one evening in the restaurant. We were seated near a large family group. Kids running around, a cacophony of joyful noise. It was… chaotic. In a good way! It's the kind of place where you feel like you're on holiday. Not exactly Michelin-star dining, but it was FUN. The food was decent (the fish was a winner), the staff were friendly, and the atmosphere was lively. Again, a decent, but a little uninspiring dining.
Cleanliness and Safety - The COVID Consideration
The hotel clearly takes hygiene seriously, which is a huge relief.
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol: All boxes ticked! I felt very safe and reassured.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Always important.
- Cashless payment service: Easy.
The Room: The Good, the Bad, and the REALLY Comfy Slippers!
(Available in all rooms):
- Additional toilet (nice for a large family).
- Air conditioning, Non-smoking: Check!
- Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens: The room itself was VERY well-equipped.
- Soundproof rooms: Well, kind of. You could still hear the hallway activity, but it wasn't terrible.
- The Slippers were amazing, I nearly stole them!
- Room decorations: Standard, nothing that jumped out at you.
The "Services and Conveniences" Avalanche!
This hotel offers… everything. Seriously.
- **Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities
Alright, hold onto your hats, because this is gonna be less "polished travelogue" and more "slightly-unhinged account of my week at TLH Leisure Resort!" Buckle up, buttercups.
TLH Torquay: My Glorious, Slightly Chaotic Escape (or, How I Almost Got Swallowed by a Jacuzzi)
Day 1: Arrival and Delusions of Grandeur
- 14:00 - Arrival at TLH Torquay. (Or, the Great Luggage Debacle): Okay, so the drive down was… well, let's just say my GPS has a vendetta against me. Managed to find the place eventually, but my suitcase decided to stage a dramatic escape from the car boot right in front of reception. Humiliating. The staff, bless their cotton socks, were overly cheerful… which is always a bit suspect, right? Anyway, checked in, and the lobby felt like a cruise ship that had somehow landed in a seaside hotel. Gigantic!
- 15:00 - Room Reconnaissance and Initial Panic (and Mild Disappointment): "Sea View" they said. More like "View of a tiny patch of sea, if you squint and have a good imagination." The room was… adequate. Cleanish. That’s fair. But it did remind of my great aunt's flat, very, very 80's decor. And the bed? It had a slight, almost imperceptible, slope downwards. I suspect a conspiracy.
- 16:00 - Exploring the Complex. All the pools!: The sheer amount of stuff here is overwhelming. Pools, a gym that looked scarier than my last tax return. I opted for the indoor pool, because, well, I need to gently ease myself into this whole "holiday" thing. The water was nice. Not too many small children. Good start!
- 19:00 - Dinner at the Aztec Bistro: The buffet was a sight to behold. The sheer variety of food was astounding. I went for the roast beef, because, you know, tradition. It was… fine. The Yorkshire puddings, however, were, sadly, a bit like hockey pucks. A minor tragedy, truly. But hey, the red wine was drinkable, which is the most important thing, right? Right.
Day 2: Jacuzzi Jihad and Spa Shenanigans
- 09:00 - Breakfast: The Great Cereal Conundrum: Another buffet! Today I've decided to be a little bolder, and went for the full English. The bacon was crispy, the sausages were… well, sausages. The coffee, however, tasted like the bottom of a well. I need caffeine; I need it NOW.
- 10:00 - Swimming: Back in the pool, this time for a decent length work out. I'm going to be an Olympic swimmer in like 2 hours.
- 11:30 - The Jacuzzi Incident: This is where things get interesting. Found the outdoor jacuzzi. It looked inviting, all bubbly happiness. I sank in. Bliss. Until I realised the jets were… well, they were ambitious. I swear, I was battling a whirlpool. I think I almost got sucked into another dimension. Emerged, gasping slightly, wondering if my skin looked like a prune.
- 13:00 - Lunch: Okay, I'll be honest, I hit the bar. Needed a restorative pint. Maybe two. Or three. Don't judge me.
- 14:30 - Spa Treatment - The Massage That Saved My Life (or at least, my shoulders): I booked a massage. Thank God. The masseuse was a woman of quiet, steely resolve. She kneaded the stress out of my shoulders with what felt like the focused intensity of a ninja. Utter bliss. Almost fell asleep and started drooling. Highly recommend.
- 17:00 - More Pool! Maybe I'm becoming a mermaid: Back to the pool. I'm really enjoying myself. I think I might just be a liquid human by the end of the trip.
- 19:00 - Dinner at the Aztec bistro: Let's not talk about it.
Day 3: Beach Bliss (and the Great Seagull Heist)
- 09:30 - Breakfast: Okay, I need to be stricter on myself. Eggs, toast, less bacon. Success!
- 10:30 - Walk to the Beach: The sun had decided to make an appearance! Walked down to the beach. Beautiful. The sea, the sand, the general salty air. Perfect. Just perfect.
- 11:30 - Seagull Attack: Sat down on a bench to enjoy my ice cream. Then, BAM. Seagull dive-bombing the cone. I swear they have this down to a science. The sneaky little gits. My ice cream was history.
- 12:30 - Torquay Town: The harbour is actually really nice. Very pretty. I'm thinking of buying a boat. A tiny one.
- 14:00 - Lunch. Fish and Chips: Went to a proper fish and chip shop. Best fish and chips ever. Ate them on the beach, trying to avoid further avian encounters.
- 17:00 - Indoor Pool and steam room: The steam room is amazing. All the stress is melting away like butter on a hot day.
- 19:00 - Dinner at the Aztec Bistro: Tonight, pasta! I want to try to start a diet soon.
Day 4: Bingo, Booze, and the Awkwardness of Karaoke
- 10:00 - Breakfast: I swear I'm healthier today.
- 11:00 - Gym: I entered the gym. I quickly retreat.
- 13:00 - Lunch: Back to the bar. I can't help myself.
- 14:30 - Bingo! Never in my life! The bingo was… intense. A room full of people shouting numbers with unwavering focus. I didn't win. Bitterly disappointed.
- 17:00 - Pre-Karaoke Nerves: The hotel was hosting karaoke, and for some reason, I agreed to go. What was I thinking? The only thing that runs through my head is my fear of failure.
- 19:00 - Dinner: This time, a pre-karaoke dinner. I opted for a large glass of wine. Or two. Or three.
- 20:00 - Karaoke Chaos (or, The Moment I Regretted Everything): Okay, so I actually did go on stage. I thought I'd be brave. sang "Living on a Prayer". My voice cracked. I forgot some of the words. The whole thing was a car crash. The audience was… kind. Mostly. Never again.
- 21:00 - Running away and hiding in the bar: I needed a stiff drink after that. So, more wine, then a cheeky nightcap.
Day 5: The End Approaches (and a Renewed Sense of Optimism, Sort Of)
- 09:00 - Breakfast: Feeling surprisingly okay. Maybe the karaoke incident has numbed me. Decided to try the full english again. Success!
- 10:00 - Walk around: Walking.
- 11:00 - More Pool: Back in the pool.
- 13:00 - Lunch: I had salad today! Proud of myself.
- 14:00 - Packing: Ugh. The most tedious task.
- 19:00 - Dinner at the Aztec Bistro: I decide to try the buffet one last time.
Day 6: Departure (and a Promise to Return…Maybe)
- 09:00 - Breakfast: This time, only a coffee.
- 10:00 - Check Out: Goodbye TLH Torquay!
- 11:00 - The Drive Home (and the realisation I'll miss the Jacuzzi, despite its best efforts to drown me): The drive back felt much shorter.
Final Thoughts:
TLH Leisure Resort? It's a place of contrasts. Chaotic buffets, potentially fatal jacuzzis, and the soul-crushing experience of karaoke. But also, massages that will heal you, beautiful beaches, and that slightly embarrassing, slightly wonderful feeling of a truly terrible holiday. Would I recommend it? Yes. Probably. Just… be warned. And for the love of all that is holy, stay away from the karaoke.
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Is the TLH Toorak Hotel *really* the “Best Kept Secret”? Because, like, everyone seems to know about it…
Okay, fair point. "Best Kept Secret" probably isn’t *entirely* accurate. My mum knew about it. My dentist probably knows about it. It's more like… a well-known secret, whispered amongst those in the know. Think of it as that hidden gem that everyone *pretends* they just stumbled upon. And let me tell you, the *people* you meet there? The stories... Oh, the stories. You'll think you've stumbled into a soap opera. (More on *that* later). But yeah, "Secret" is maybe optimistic. Let's go with "Torquay Treasure, Often Overlooked."
Alright, so... *Luxury*? What's the deal? Do I need to remortgage my house?
Luxury is… a sliding scale, darling. Let's be honest. It's not *the* Ritz. But for Torquay? It *slays*. Think less "gold-plated faucets" (though… maybe some are?) and more "clean, comfortable rooms, a decent breakfast, and a bloody lovely indoor pool, which, let me tell you, is GOLD in Devon when it’s raining (which is quite often, mind). The "luxury" is in the *experience*. It's in the escape. It's in the fact that, for a few days, you're *pretending* you’re not battling the overflowing laundry basket at home. And that, my friends, is priceless. Plus? They *do* have a spa. Always a win.
Okay, sounds good. What's the BEST part? Be honest.
The BEST part? Okay, prepare for a rambling anecdote, because this is where it gets *personal*. I went with my best friend last year. We'd both had… *stuff* happen. Life, you know? And we needed a break. We booked a room with a balcony. And this balcony… it overlooked the *grounds*. Which, admittedly, are mainly… grass. But the grass was *green*. And we sat out there, sipping wine (bought from the local Co-op, because, again, *budget*), and we just… talked. For hours. No phones. No distractions. Just us, the grass, and the distant sound of… seagulls, I think? Maybe. Honestly, I was half cut. But that balcony, that moment... it was pure, unadulterated bliss. THAT'S the best part. Finding those pockets of peace. God, I need another holiday.
So, the food… tell me everything. My stomach is rumbling just thinking about it.
The food. Ah, yes. The great equalizer. Look, the breakfast buffet *is* good. It's… reliably good. Full English? Check. Cereal? Check. Toast? Check. It'll fuel your adventures. The evening meals? Can be a bit hit or miss, if I'm brutally honest. One night it's a triumph, the other night it's… well, let's just say it's an *experience*. I once ordered something that looked suspiciously like a deep-fried cardboard. But I *did* complain (politely, of course). And the waiter was incredibly apologetic, and gave me a free dessert. So, the *service* is generally excellent. The food… well, go with an open mind and a healthy dose of humor. And definitely order the fish. It's Torquay, for crying out loud!
Is there *anything* you didn't like? Anything you’d warn someone about?
Okay, the truth? Yes. There *was* one thing… The lift. Or rather, the *lack* thereof at certain opportune moments. The hotel sprawls. It's big. And sometimes, you end up on a long journey up and down various flights of stairs. And I'm not getting any younger, alright? It's a minor inconvenience, really. And if you're lucky enough to get a room on the ground floor, you’ll dodge that altogether. But if you're bringing heavy luggage? Just… brace yourself. Maybe pack a spare pair of lungs. And try to avoid peak times for breakfast. The queue for toast can be… intense. Also the parking is a slight nightmare at times. Be prepared.
What's the vibe? Is it… romantic? Family-friendly? A bit… stuffy?
The vibe? It's… eclectic. Think of it as a delightful mishmash of everything. Definitely family-friendly. Lots of kids running around, especially in the pool area. Which, honestly, can be a bit chaotic at times. (See previous comment about the queue for toast. I'm sensing a theme here). Romantic? Potentially. But probably not if you're the type who needs perfect silence and Michelin-starred dining. It's more… “romantic in a slightly windswept-seaside-holiday-romance kind of way.” Stuffy? No. Relaxed? Yes. A bit… noisy? Also yes. You might hear the kids from your room during the peak of the day. Embrace it. It's part of the charm.
Okay, sold. But what's the *best* room? Spill the tea!
Alright, alright, the secret room intel. Honestly? Get a room with a balcony. Especially if it overlooks the garden. (See above – it was the best moment of my life, basically). If you can, try to avoid a room right next to the lifts. They're… persistent. And if you're travelling with kids? Consider a family room. They are sizeable. And if you're lucky, you'll get one with a decent view. But honestly? The room is less important than the people you're with. And the general escapism. And the ability to pretend you're not responsible for anyone or anything for a few precious days. That’s the real luxury.
So, would you recommend it? Be honest!
Absolutely. Yes. Without a shadow of a doubt. Flaws and all. It's not perfect. It's not the most glamorous place in the world. But it's got *something*. That feeling of being… away. Of shedding the daily grind and just… breathing. And the potential forEscape to Paradise: Pimira Homestay's Unforgettable Quy Nhon Getaway
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